11 February 2015

1 The aeroplane wing

Plane wing

Whenever I see one of these photos, I just want to head over to the airport and rip all the wings off the planes, just so I won't have to see another bloody aeroplane wing picture. In the early days of aviation, a plane wing was probably quite interesting. That, my friends, was a long, long time ago.

2. Someone jumping for joy

It's not that I don't want to share in your joy, it's just that... it's so blatant. You're out traveling and having an amazing time and proving to everyone that you can execute a fairly standard physical manoeuvre, while all your mates are stuck in the office, building animals out of paperclips to alleviate the tedium. But really, we're all very happy for you. Honest.

3. A group of people jumping

It's not enough that you are so happy you're jumping about like an excitable puppy, but you have to prove how popular you are by getting an attractive group of young, slim, white people to leap about with you. We get it. You've got mates. See how many stick around after you've taken the excitalbe puppy thing too far and done a wee on the floor.

4. Your food (especially gooey food)

It's a sad fact of life, and your photostream, that the tastiest food looks horrible on a plate, and is almost impossible to photograph well. That curry is probably the most delicious thing this side of an old-style Creme Egg, but it just looks like a pile of nonsense. Unless you're an actual food photographer, who does this for a living, and has taken all the necessary equipment with you on your travels, please, leave the foodie pics alone.

5. Colour cut-outs

It's not 2006 kids.

6. Lens flare

It's not 2004 kids.

7. Selfies (especially if you're attractive)

Selfies are annoying at the best of times. What makes it worse? One - if you're pretty, because even if you don't mean it to, your selfies are saying 'Look at how attractive I am everyone!'. Which nobody needs, especially your plainer friends (I speak from experience). Two - if you post loads. We know what you look like ta, you probably haven't changed radically since last week. Three - if you get someone else to take your selfie. You are not Rhianna. Four - when you... oh ok I'll stop now. But you get the picture (and sadly, so do we. Over and over and over...).

8. Sunsets

Newsflash: the sun is present in every part of the world. And it tends to set in those parts on a fairly regular basis. We know what a sunset looks like. And if we didn't know what it looked like over the sea, or the mountains, or with some loon leaping about in front of it, we do now because every other bloody traveller has posted the same bloody thing.


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Image credits: Aeroplane wing - markus spiske, jumping - Jennifer, group jumping - Vladimir Pustovit, colour cutout - Rachel Titiriga, curry - Hajime NAKANO, lens flare - Kelly Sikkema, pretty girl selfie - Victoriia Z, sunset - FranksWorldPics. All fromFlckr.